Moving From "What Will People Think" to "I Am Worthy!"

Summary: We often find ourselves trapped in the cycle of seeking validation and worrying about what others will think of us. This constant concern about external opinions can hinder personal growth, prevent us from embracing our true potential, and lead to a life filled with anxiety and self-doubt. In this article, we'll explore how to shift from the mindset of "What will people think?" to one of self-worth and self-acceptance. By understanding the power of other people's opinions, recognizing the influence of shame, and embracing our worthiness, we can break free from the chains of validation-seeking and live a more fulfilling life.

Table of Contents:

• Introduction
• The Power of Other People's Opinions: Navigating the Tide of External Validation

• Overcoming Shame: The Journey to Worthiness

• The Role of Meditation in Self-Acceptance and Worthiness
• Embracing Worthiness: Wisdom from Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani on Self-Compassion

Introduction

In a world filled with judgements and expectations, it's tough not to feel the weight of seeking validation from others. We all long to be recognised and accepted; yearning for that sense of worthiness. It can be disheartening, though, how much this constant quest can take a toll on us. Just imagine the devastation an entrepreneur experiences after hearing a negative comment, or the self-doubt that plagues an educator who receives an unfavourable evaluation. It's a vicious cycle, this need for validation, leaving us feeling small and inadequate, as if our worth is solely determined by others.

But what if we were to redefine our own worthiness? What if we started to see our value in the things that make us unique, in our passions, and in the positive contributions we bring to the world? This shift, from seeking validation to embracing our inherent worthiness, has the power to completely transform our lives.

Within the words ahead, we'll delve into the profound impact of seeking validation. We'll uncover the hidden costs it demands and illuminate the path that leads to self-acceptance and self-love.

As we embark on this journey towards worthiness, we must acknowledge the delicate balance of human connection. It's inevitable, to some extent, that we'll find ourselves influenced by the opinions of others because they can also play a positive role in our journeys. However, it's crucial that we navigate these intricacies with care, mindful of not losing ourselves in the current of public consensus.

So, let's embark on this exploration together as we uncover the depths of seeking validation and discover the remarkable beauty of embracing our own worthiness.  

The Power of Other People's Opinions: Navigating the Tides of External Validation

You know, it's hard to ignore the powerful influence that other people's opinions have on us. Their words have a way of creeping into our thoughts, stirring up emotions, and shaping the things we do. We can't help but hang onto their every word, desperate for that validation and terrified of being judged. And let's not forget about society and its immense pressure. It doesn't just affect us as individuals, but it also weighs heavily on our shoulders as entrepreneurs striving for success.

Society paints this clear picture of success for us, defining it in terms of wealth, recognition, and all those accolades. As if only when we can tick those boxes, do we matter as a human being. And we can't help but constantly compare ourselves to others, desperately seeking validation that we're on the right path. The weight of these expectations can be suffocating; sucking the life out of our creativity, stifling our innovative ideas, and making us feel like we're just not good enough.

It's incredible how much power other people's opinions can have over us. They shape our decisions, often influencing the paths we choose to pursue and even the risks we're willing to take. I must confess, I have fallen into this trap far too many times than I'd like to admit. When I was seven years old, I confidently announced to my mother that one day, I was going to be on the Kid's Eurovision Song Contest. Singing and dancing were my greatest passions; no matter what time of day it was, you'd always find me practicing my latest made-up choreography with a hairbrush microphone in one hand. One day, I got up in front of my family during a commercial break to sing, to which my grandmother said "Lina, you'll never be a singer. You don't have the voice or the lungs for it." This one statement completely shattered my belief in myself and I stuffed those dreams away entirely. Often we end up sacrificing our true dreams and conforming to fit into society's mould of what success should look like.

"We give up our passions and our unique vision, all in the hopes of gaining acceptance, whether it's from parents, teachers or our peers."

I learned this lesson early on in my own entrepreneurial journey. I hit a point where I had lost myself, but I found the strength to reclaim my power. And now, it's time for all of us to challenge the hold that societal pressures and norms have on us. We need to embrace the truth that our worth isn't determined by what others think of us or by how well we fit into their predefined measures of success. 

"Each of us embarks on a unique journey, and our sense of worthiness arises from daring to chase our dreams, displaying resilience when confronted with obstacles, and leaving a positive imprint on the world."

Let me tell you, the path to worthiness is no walk in the park. We have to constantly remind ourselves that the most groundbreaking ideas often face the most resistance. Success doesn't come without its fair share of detours and failures; not to mention periods where there are just crickets - absolutely no signs to confirm that the path we've been enduring is all going to be worthwhile. But here's the thing: it's those very obstacles that build resilience and fuel our innovation. I had to learn to fully embrace my authenticity, trust my instincts, and let my passion guide me amidst the most difficult period of my life. I had to break free from the chains of societal expectations, because I realised that it is within my uniqueness that my true power lies. And guess what? The same goes for you too!

Of course, it's not just our families and neighbours whose opinions we have to face. The impact of other people's opinions goes much deeper than that. It's woven into the very fabric of cultural norms and societal expectations. And here's the real challenge:

"We need to understand, deep down, that despite all the evidence that may suggest otherwise, we are truly worthy." 

To rise above the suffocating weight of societal expectations, we must confront the shame that whispers cruel tales of inadequacy and embrace a journey of self-acceptance and worthiness. To accomplish this monumental feat, there are a few tools that we can use to make the journey a bit smoother. 

Overcoming Shame: The Journey to Worthiness

If there was one word that can summarize the monumental obstacles we face on our journey to worthiness, it would be "shame." With its suffocating grip, shame can leave us feeling unworthy and trapped. It's an emotion so powerful, that it can warp our sense of identity and self-worth. It can make us feel like we're not good enough, or that we don't belong, and it can be difficult to break free from its grip.

Brené Brown, an American research professor, author, and podcast host, defines shame as "the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging." Her research has proven that shame is a universal emotion that everyone experiences at some point in their lives. However, some people are more prone to shame than others. This is often due to early childhood experiences, such as being shamed by parents or caregivers. It can also be caused by traumatic events, such as abuse or neglect.

Shame can have a profound impact on our lives. It can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and depression and can also make it difficult to form close relationships and be willing to take risks. Plus, it can even lead to self-destructive behaviours, such as substance abuse or eating disorders.

"Shame can be like quicksand; the harder you fight it, the deeper you sink, but the more still you remain, the more likely you are to eventually escape." 

The good news is that shame is not insurmountable. There are things we can do to cross the bridge of shame that leads to worthiness. Here are a few practical strategies that can help us rise above it and embrace our true selves:

1. Practice Self-Compassion: In the face of shame, be gentle with yourself. Offer yourself kindness, understanding, and forgiveness. Recognize that imperfections are a part of being human and that they do not diminish your worthiness. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would extend to a beloved friend.

2. Develop a Growth Mindset: Embrace the power of a growth mindset, where setbacks are viewed as opportunities for learning and growth. Reframe failure as a stepping stone toward success and use it as fuel for improvement. Believe in your ability to adapt, learn, and overcome challenges, for it is through resilience that we find our true strength.

3. Engage in Meditation and Mindfulness: Carve out moments of stillness in your life through meditation and mindfulness. These practices cultivate self-awareness and allow us to observe our thoughts and emotions without judgment. Meditation helps us detach from the grips of shame, inviting a sense of calm and clarity. As we connect with the present moment, we anchor ourselves in the truth of our worthiness.

4. Cultivate Authentic Connections: Surround yourself with a supportive community that celebrates your authenticity. Share your vulnerabilities and fears with trusted individuals who uplift and validate your experiences. Authentic connections remind us that we are not alone in our struggles and provide a safe space for healing and growth.

5. Embrace Vulnerability: Shame thrives in secrecy and isolation. By embracing vulnerability, we expose shame to the light. Share your experiences and struggles with trusted individuals, allowing yourself to be seen and heard. Authentic vulnerability fosters connection, empathy, and a profound sense of worthiness.

Challenging shame and redefining worthiness as entrepreneurs requires a holistic approach, integrating external influences and internal healing. However, there is a special process that involves taking control of the progression on the journey to self-healing. One of the most powerful ways to challenge shame and redefine your worthiness is through what Dr. Joe Dispenza describes as "internal contemplative practices." These practices can help you to retrain your mind, body, and brain to become present, instead of experiencing high degrees of stress in anticipation of some future event that has not yet occurred.

It's important to remember that overcoming shame is a journey, and it requires patience, self-love, and perseverance. Be kind to yourself along the way and embrace all of the imperfect beauty that lies within you! I speak from experience when I tell you, if you show up every single day with the commitment to  show yourself compassion, cultivate a growth mindset, engage in meditation, and foster authentic connections, you will uncover the radiant truth: that your worthiness is unwavering, unshakeable, and deserving of celebration.

Embrace this journey towards reconnecting with your worthiness and let all the flames of shame be extinguished by the brilliance of your authentic self. You are worthy. You have always been worthy. Embrace your entrepreneurial journey in its totality. There is no perfect path, and anyone who attempts to show or tell you otherwise is just plain lying. You don't have to be anyone else but who you are. The world is brighter because of the unique light you bring.

Stay Inspired,

Lina Vasquez - Holistic Business Coach

REFERENCES:

1. Brown, B., Hernandez, V. R., & Villarreal, Y. (2011). Connections: A 12-session psychoeducational shame resilience curriculum. In R. L. Dearing & J. P. Tangney (Eds.), Shame in the therapy hour (pp. 355–371). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/12326-015

2. Dispenza, J. (2012). Breaking the habit of being yourself: How to lose your mind and create a new one. Hay House.

3. Neff, K. D. (2019). Examining the factor structure of the Self-Compassion Scale in 20 diverse samples: Support for use of a total score and six subscale scores. Psychological Assessment, 31(1), 27–45. https://doi.org/10.1037/pas0000629

4. Vasquez, L. (2023). The Benefits of a Growth Mindset for Entrepreneurs. Holistic Language Learning. Available at: https://holisticlanguagelearning.mykajabi.com/blog/growth-mindset-benefits (Accessed: 21 June 2023).