The Leader In Me: How I Got Here

about me Mar 07, 2023

Summary: It took courage, determination, tears, and a whole lot of work (inside and out), but in the end, I realized that I couldn't wait for anyone to rescue me; I had to be the leader that was missing in my life. Explore how I went from low self-confidence to mentor and coach for Language Educators.

Although I could not be more grateful to fulfill the work I am blessed to do in the world. The decision to step into a full-time mentor role for language educators took a lot of courage. I stayed up late at night worried about what you would think if I stepped out into the cold, dark, and emotionally exposed place of the unknown. Would you connect with me? Could you feel my sincerity? Those thoughts are still there sometimes, I just decided to stop listening to them.

If I were to be truly empathetic, I guess I can see how some would probably think that this decision just popped up out of thin air. However, this calling has resonated with me since the summer of 2018. And somehow, with the help of my amazing mentor and partner, I now have the opportunity to become what's been missing from my language and life journey.

"I now have the opportunity to become the leader I wish existed but never showed up for me."

The leader who should have told me to value myself properly, to rest and held space for me when I needed it. And maybe it's true that such a person exists in this space, but I guess I must have missed them. And since I haven't found them yet, I guess that leader is me.

I realized after doing this work privately that I'd been holding myself back the whole time. I still needed to work on my own self confidence and cultivate a deeper level of self trust. Since I no longer have the ability to ignore my destiny, I think the time has come to express fully the leader that lies within me.

At some point I got the idea that there was something wrong with me. It was like looking in a funhouse mirror and seeing a distorted reflection; I couldn't recognize who I was anymore. I was overwhelmed by a sense of deep sadness and fear I couldn't explain. I felt powerless and unable to cope with the situation. I knew I needed to find a way to break free from this distorted perspective and reclaim my true self.

As if somehow I needed to fix something, get some degree, or validation from another person to be whole. I thought I was improving myself when in fact I was losing myself. And the self I was losing was my self-confidence. In the end, it took two years of intense Yoga, Meditation, a lot of conversations with hubby, and a deep understanding of myself before I realized my self-confidence was a sign that I understood and was connected to myself deeply.

Having fully embodied this realization, I began to define myself based on my values, and not necessarily on the events around me.

This also means that I can move forward into a life of abundance when I determine what has been holding me back from being more confident.

"When I tell myself I'm not capable of something - like public speaking for example - I am practicing self-limiting beliefs. A belief like this becomes a form of self-preservation; a fear of being laughed at or thought of as being ‘insufficient’ by others."

However, I found that it's worthwhile to decide whether the consequences I am imagining are logical and likely, and whether the positives could outweigh some of the disadvantages. And it turns out that I was inflating the threat in my mind. Also, this relates to the idea that my low self-confidence runs in a strange cycle.

"I tell myself I can't do something, so I don't do it and thereby reinforce this in my reality."

The process I took to get out of this rut was not easy. It took courage, determination, tears, and a lot of work. As I sit here writing these words, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for everything. I'm so proud of how far I have come and I wouldn't have been able to do it without the support of my friends, family, and mentors. I am a different person now, and I'm excited for what the future holds.

Some of the tools that helped me along the way were meditation and mindfulness. These, among others, were some of the essential elements that helped me to address the persistent issue of low self-confidence. I was able to focus on the present moment and accept the thoughts and feelings that arose without judgment. As I did this, I was able to move beyond my fear and gain the confidence to be my true self. This journey was transformational and has enabled me to live a more fulfilling life.

The process of regaining my self-confidence was similar to peeling away the layers of an onion—it was a gradual, but deep transformation that allowed me to shed old patterns and beliefs that were holding me back. Now, whenever I am faced with a challenging situation, I can clearly see what my primary thoughts are.

Are they more positive - that I will ace my next interview, or have an awesome session with my client today - or are they more negative? Whenever I realize that I am thinking negatively, I do not judge myself, but let the thoughts that I do not want pass through me and hold onto the ones that bring me joy and fulfillment. I remind myself that I can do this and that I am capable of achieving my goals.

If any of this resonates with you, I would recommend a practice that helps you to take note of the thoughts, feelings, ideas, and bodily sensations you experience when new opportunities arise. Are you telling yourself that you can't do something, or do you feel resistance inside? By working through this process, you can determine whether self-limiting beliefs are sabotaging your life and the pursuit of your dreams. Once you begin to identify how you feel and get in touch with your senses, you can begin implementing holistic methods such as Yoga, Meditation, Contemplation or Breathwork.

It's helpful to do the necessary self-reflection to identify what we're feeling and thinking. Before this phase, it can be difficult to know what to implement. Connection to our senses is key to improving our self-confidence. It worked for me, and it will work for you as well.

Stay Inspired,