Image of a young boy crossing a bridge. This image symbolizes the journey of crossing the bridge of shame and represents the transformative process described in the blog.

S.H.A.R.E. Your Journey: 5 Steps to Break Free from Shame

wellbeing Jul 01, 2023

7 min read

Summary: Join me on a transformative journey as I share my personal triumph over shame and introduce the empowering five-step process called S.H.A.R.E. Inspired by the work of Brené Brown, this blog focuses on navigating the universal struggle of shame and its impact on entrepreneurs. Delve into the complexities of shame and explore tools for self-compassion, accepting imperfections, reframing failure, and embracing authenticity. Through vulnerability and resilience, break free from shame's grip while cultivating confidence and fulfillment.

As a holistic coach, I specialize in helping educators and entrepreneurs overcome emotional struggles to unlock their true potential. Let's embark on this empowering journey together.

Introduction
Understanding Shame
5 Steps to S.H.A.R.E Your Journey

Introduction:

A few years ago, while working as a language coach, I experienced a defining moment that had the potential to reshape my entire career. It was a time when I found myself grappling with questions of self-worth and the value I placed on my services. In the face of these doubts, I encountered the insidious shame gremlins that threatened to undermine my confidence. However, rather than allowing shame to consume me, I harnessed its energy as a catalyst for empowerment, ultimately establishing and reshaping my coaching practice to what it has become today.

Inspired by Brené Brown's profound research on shame and vulnerability, I'm excited to share my personal journey of triumph over shame in this blog. Moreover, I will introduce a transformative five-step process called S.H.A.R.E. that will guide you in traversing the bridge of shame, leading you to a newfound confidence in yourself and your work.

"Navigating the depths of shame is a universal struggle that often plagues entrepreneurs and individuals alike."

The emotional and psychological battles we face because of shame can hinder our progress, stifle our creativity, and obstruct our path to success. As a holistic coach for educators and entrepreneurs, I have witnessed firsthand the tremendous impact of these struggles on individuals seeking to unlock their true potential.

However, the focus of this blog is not to dwell solely on the challenges we face, but rather to illuminate the path towards growth and self-empowerment. By reframing our understanding of shame and using the S.H.A.R.E. process, navigating these emotional terrains becomes a lot simpler. We can emerge stronger, more resilient, and ready to embrace our authentic selves.

Join me as we delve into the intricacies of shame, drawing upon the invaluable insights provided by scientific studies, a few simple tools, as well as my personal experiences as a coach, educator, and entrepreneur. Together, let's embark on a journey that transcends the limitations imposed by shame; allowing us to cultivate a deep sense of confidence and fulfillment in our personal and professional lives. Because we all deserve to feel free and worthy.

Understanding Shame:

Shame is a complex emotion that has profound effects on our self-perception and behavior. Renowned researcher Brené Brown defines shame as

“the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection.”

It's a deeply rooted sense of inadequacy that makes us feel small, exposed, and unworthy. Shame is so powerful because it can be triggered by a range of experiences, including failure, rejection, criticism, and comparison. It's roots often stem from our past experiences, particularly our childhood, and can manifest itself in a variety of behaviors, such as avoidance, withdrawal, or aggression.

"Shame is like emotional quicksand – the more you struggle against it, the deeper it pulls you in. The only way out is to confront it and allow yourself to be vulnerable and open about your experiences."

Shame has three fundamental components: self-criticism, fear of judgment, and perfectionism. We become our own worst critics, constantly questioning our abilities and feeling the weight of judgment from others. This fear of being judged leads us to strive for perfection, believing that only flawlessness will protect us from shame’s grip. However, these components of shame trap us in a cycle of self-doubt, preventing us from embracing vulnerability and authenticity.

Brené Brown’s research on shame and vulnerability has shed a much needed light on the impact of shame on our lives. Her work emphasizes the power of vulnerability as a means to break free from shame’s hold and I've seen first hand in my own life, how nurturing my relationship with vulnerability has lead to immense healing, especially regarding the struggles with my own self-worth. By leaning into discomfort and expressing our true feelings, we can connect more deeply with ourselves and others. Vulnerability allows us to acknowledge our humanity, embrace imperfections, and ultimately cross the bridge of shame.

5 Steps to S.H.A.R.E Your Journey:

In the video above, you'll experience a live coaching session where I guide you through the transformative five steps of S.H.A.R.E. These steps serve as powerful tools in your emotional arsenal, equipping you with all you need to combat those crippling effects of shame while cultivating a greater sense of self-worth!

Let's dive deeper into the definitions of each step, to expand your understanding and empower you with the knowledge to navigate shame with resilience and grace.

Show Vulnerability:

Vulnerability is a profound and courageous act that enables us to confront shame head-on. It calls us to lean into discomfort and express ourselves authentically, even when it feels risky. By acknowledging our imperfections and embracing vulnerability, we create the space to connect more deeply with ourselves and those around us. It allows us to let go of those heavy masks that we wear; allowing others to see and accept us as we truly are. And ultimately, isn't that what we all truly desire? Vulnerability is the key to foster genuine connections and opens the door to more compassion, empathy, and understanding.

To delve deeper into the incredible power of vulnerability, I invite you to explore this captivating TED Talk by Brene Brown. It is one of the most replayed videos I have in my YouTube history, and I think you'll quickly realize why. Click HERE to access the talk and witness the transformative effects that vulnerability can have on our lives. Prepare to be seriously inspired and gain valuable insights that can guide you on your journey towards growth, authenticity, and self-empowerment.

Harness Self-Compassion:

Self-compassion is an essential tool on the journey of overcoming shame. It involves treating ourselves with kindness, recognizing our shared humanity, and practicing mindfulness. By extending the same compassion we would offer to a dear friend or loved one, we can break free from the grip of self-criticism; that annoyingly defeating voice that never offers anything useful. Self-compassion invites us to embrace our humanness, acknowledging that we are imperfect beings doing the best we can. It helps us cultivate a healthier and more nurturing relationship with ourselves, fostering self-acceptance and love.

If you're ready to embody self-compassion in your daily life, I have crafted a transformative guided meditation that is extremely useful in helping you navigate the challenges you currently face with kindness and understanding. This meditation is designed to help you cultivate a compassionate mindset and provide solace during moments of self-doubt. Click HERE to access the meditation and feel yourself fill up with love, as though you've just drank the best warm cup of cocoa ever. Allow the soothing words and gentle guidance to empower you as you embrace a new level of self-care and acceptance.

Accept Imperfections:

In a society that often glorifies perfection, accepting our imperfections feels like an act of rebellion and becomes a vital step in overcoming shame. Embracing authenticity means recognizing that our flaws and vulnerabilities are what make us uniquely valuable and relatable! Our imperfections are what connect us to others on a deeper level, as they too, navigate the complexities of being human. The more we embrace our imperfections, the more we can let go of the unrealistic pursuit of flawlessness and allow ourselves to be seen and accepted as whole, imperfect beings. It's through embracing our imperfections that we find the freedom to express ourselves authentically and forge genuine relationships with other people.

Throughout my personal and professional journey, I have discovered an incredibly powerful tool that has greatly supported me in embracing my imperfections: "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown. This book has been a guiding light, offering practical tips and insights from an expert in the field of personal growth and authenticity. If you're committed to living a more fulfilling and meaningful life, I highly recommend delving into the pages of this remarkable book. Regardless of where you currently stand on your journey, I guarantee that the wisdom within "The Gifts of Imperfection" will be worth your time and have a profound impact on your personal and professional life.

Reframe Failure:

Failure is an inevitable part of life. Particularly for entrepreneurs and those daring to pursue their dreams, you probably encounter it more often than most. Instead of allowing failure to feed into our shame and influence how we see ourselves, we can reframe it as an opportunity for growth and learning. Every setback and disappointment carries valuable lessons and insights. By approaching failure with curiosity and resilience, we can extract wisdom from our experiences and use them to propel us forward. Reframing failure shifts our perspective, allowing us to view it as a stepping stone rather than a reflection of our worthiness. It empowers us to embrace a growth mindset, where mistakes are seen as necessary stepping stones on the path to success.

Want to discover the transformative power of developing a growth mindset as a powerful tool to help you reframe failure? Drawing inspiration from renowned researcher Carol Dweck, my article "Benefits of a Growth Mindset for Entrepreneurs" offers a step-by-step guide on implementing research-backed strategies for cultivating a growth mindset. Embrace the opportunity to shift your perspective on failure and unlock your true potential. Click HERE to access my blog and embark on a journey of personal growth and resilience.

Embrace Authenticity:

Authenticity is the cornerstone of living a fulfilling and meaningful life. When we live authentically, it means we align our actions with our inner truth and values. Embracing authenticity requires us to be honest with ourselves, acknowledge our desires, dreams, and passions. It calls us to make choices that reflect who we genuinely are, rather than seeking validation or approval from external sources. The powerful thing that happens when we embrace authenticity, is that we liberate ourselves from the need for consistent validation and approval from others; leading to us living in alignment with our true selves. This newfound freedom allows us to navigate the world with confidence, purpose, and a deep sense of fulfillment.

While discussing this topic with my clients, I have noticed that there is often confusion between authenticity and vulnerability. While it's nice to receive compliments like "I appreciate your authenticity," it's important to understand that authenticity goes beyond external judgment and actually has nothing to do with other people. It's an internal journey that only you can truly embark on as an individual to discover your authentic self. Authenticity involves establishing personal values and committing to aligning your actions and choices accordingly. At the end of the day, only you can know if you're really being authentic.

If you're interested in exploring the topic of authenticity deeper, I invite you to read my article "The Mirror of Authenticity" where you'll be able to discover more in full detail.

The 5 Steps to S.H.A.R.E. your Journey - Show Vulnerability, Harness Self-Compassion, Accept Imperfections, Reframe Failure, and Embrace Authenticity - provide a transformative roadmap for crossing the bridge of shame and finding confidence in ourselves and our work. By integrating these steps into our lives, we embark on a rollercoaster journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and genuine connection. Through vulnerability, self-compassion, embracing imperfections, reframing failure, and embracing authenticity, we can break free from the shackles of shame. It's time to let go of all the lies we've believed as to why we're not worthy, why we don't deserve love and the desires we yearn for. It's time to cultivate a life filled with courage, resilience, and deep fulfillment.

You don't need to sacrifice your wellbeing to be successful at life!

Stay Inspired,

Lina Vasquez - Holistic Business Coach

References:

Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Hazelden Publishing.
Dweck, C. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.
Neff, K. D. (2019). Examining the factor structure of the Self-Compassion Scale in 20 diverse samples: Support for use of a total score and six subscale scores. Psychological Assessment, 31(1), 27–45. https://doi.org/10.1037/pas0000629
Vasquez, L. (2023, May 31). The Benefits of a Growth Mindset for . Retrieved from https://holisticlanguagelearning.mykajabi.com/blog/growth-mindset-benefits
Vasquez, L. (2023, February 4). The Mirror of Authenticity. Retrieved from https://holisticlanguagelearning.mykajabi.com/blog/the-mirror-of-authenticity
YouTube.com (2023, June 8). 5-Minute Self-Acceptance Meditation | for Educators and Entrepreneurs. [online] Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2zjJ3ZD-hk&feature=youtu.be